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Wikipedia's peer review process is a way to receive ideas and feedback from other editors about articles. An article may be nominated by any user, and will appear on the list of all peer reviews. Other users can comment on the review. Peer review may be used for potential good article nominations, potential featured article candidates, or an article of any "grade". Peer review is a useful place to centralise a review from other editors about an article, and may be associated with a WikiProject; and may also be a good place for new Wikipedians to receive feedback on how an article is looking.
Peer reviews are open to any feedback, and users requesting feedback may also request more specific feedback. Unlike formal nominations, editors and nominators may both edit articles during the discussion.
To request a review, or nominate an article for a review see the instructions page. Users are limited to requesting one review at any one time, and are encouraged to help reduce the backlog by commenting on other articles. Any user may comment on a review, and there is no requirement that any comments may be acted on.
A list of all current peer reviews, with reviewer's comments included, can be found here. For easier navigation, a list of peer reviews, without the reviews themselves included, can be found here. A chronological peer reviews list can be found here.
Arts
- Previous peer review
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I've listed this article for peer review because I would still like to get this article to featured and WP:TFA in time for the subjects 25th birthday in June 2016 if someone can help me to get it cleaned up enough.
Thanks, TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:15, 2 November 2015 (UTC)
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- Date added: 29 October 2015, 22:24 UTC
- Last edit: 3 November 2015, 12:30 UTC
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- Date added: 24 October 2015, 17:43 UTC
- Last edit: 3 November 2015, 21:59 UTC
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- Date added: 24 October 2015, 09:22 UTC
- Last edit: 31 October 2015, 03:12 UTC
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- Date added: 22 October 2015, 05:20 UTC
- Last edit: 1 November 2015, 08:27 UTC
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- Date added: 18 October 2015, 19:28 UTC
- Last edit: 3 November 2015, 14:47 UTC
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I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to nominate it for GA status, and would like some feedback to see if that would be an appropriate move.
Thanks, Sunshineisles2 (talk) 00:14, 18 October 2015 (UTC)
- One DAB link
- Some dead links too
- The show, → Remove
- semi-spin-off → How can it be a semi-spin-off? Isn't it just a spin-off or not?
- , stars Andy Griffith, → it stars Andy Griffith
- inept, but → Remove the comma
- deputy, Barney Fife (Don Knotts), a spinster aunt and housekeeper, Aunt Bee (Frances Bavier), and a precocious young son, Opie (Ron Howard). → The comma's before the name make it sound really jilted
- ne'er-do-wells → Can this be wikilinked? I don't understand what this is
- 9th-best and 13th-best show → How can it be both?
- series co-stars → his co-stars or just co-stars
- on DVD. → Wikilink DVD
- producer of The Danny Thomas Show, →Wikilink his name
- pilot show for Andy Griffith, → Wikilink his name
- 3, 1960 at → Comma after 1960 per MOS:DATE
- (Evidence for this is that at the start of the episode "Barney's First Car", aired in 1963, Barney wants to buy a 1954 Ford; later in the episode Andy says, "that car is nearly 10 years old.") → This needs sourcing with an inline citation
- In the Production section, avoid using one line paragraphs.
- Writer Harvey Bullock left after season six. Bob Sweeney directed the first three seasons save the premiere. → Source?
- One of the show's tunes, "The Mayberry March", was reworked a number of times in different tempo, styles and orchestrations as background music. → Source?
- with promotional consideration paid for (in the form of cars) by Ford Motor Company (mentioned in the credits). → Source?
- In Griffith's development of Andy Taylor sub-section, block quotes should not have quotation marks, because they are indented and therefore indicative of being a quotation
- In Plot and characters section, again avoid one sentence paragraphs like at the end here. Just place at it the end of the second para. It looks a lot better.
- Place the image in Plot and characters on the left so that not all three are on the right
- There's a citation tag at the end of Episodes which needs addressing.
- Reruns, spinoffs, and reunions could be just two paragraphs instead of so many short ones.
- The table in Ratings needs to be marked up for WP:ACCESS so the Season column is shaded grey.
- I think the Awards and nominations would be better as a table instead of a bullet point list.
- DVD name in Video releases needs shading grey in first column too
- Ref 1: Link NBC and Today
Hope these help. Ping me with any questions. — Calvin999 18:06, 30 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because…well, I think that it seems a little weird that they've got 6 songs certified GA, two failed album GA noms, and a delisted main page. I want to balance this out by starting with this album, which I hope I can get GA. I've looked over it before, and I thought it was in pretty good condition. Fixed what problems I could personally see myself, but I need to know what's next. Of their three albums, I think this one in the best condition and then The Open Door. Fallen is gonna be hard, but ah well. Anyway, I just don't want another crash and burn in GA nomination like my last one. :/
Thanks, DannyMusicEditor (talk) 22:36, 15 October 2015 (UTC)
- Previous peer review
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I've listed this article for peer review because there have been significant changes since the last peer review seven years ago.
Thanks, DISEman (talk) 12:57, 15 October 2015 (UTC)
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- Date added: 15 October 2015, 11:36 UTC
- Last edit: 30 October 2015, 22:59 UTC
- Previous peer review
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I've listed this article for peer review because I would one day like to see it become an FA. I have worked for almost three years on this article, raising it from the rather sad state it was originally in. I've combed through it, looking for weird prose, and it's been copy-edited, but I would love for someone to peer-review it.
Thanks, Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:19, 8 October 2015 (UTC)
- Comments from Calvin999
- One Dab Link
- For the opening and ending theme parameters, do they need to be in small text? It's a bit difficult to read.
- You have External links at the bottom of the article so I don't really see the need to include another section of the same thing in the Info box which only makes it unnecessarily longer.
- , a human boy, → Do you need to say "human"?
- Along the way, → Where? What?
- picked it up → I think this sounds to informal for a prospective FAC.
- records their → I would have thought records should be singular here.
- guest actors and actresses → Use either 'actors' or 'guest stars'. Actors and actresses sounds a bit long winded as it it's same thing but just for male and female
- (which will debut on November 2 → Year?
- is also in the works. → As before, this sounds a bit informal.
- has developed a strong following among teenagers and adults. → So it's not for children? I thought it was until now.
- Why do you link dog in Premise but not the lead? I don't think dog needs to be linked really.
- time attending California Institute of the Arts → I feel like 'the' should be placed in between 'attending California'
- single stand-alone → Same difference. Just use one.
- the studio's rights to pick up the show expired, → This reads slightly awkward, to me at least.
- decided to shop it → Too informal. Pitch?
- , and, that by → Shouldn't it be: , and that, by
- Many of the series' artists have backgrounds in indie comics. → This is sourced at the end of the following sentence, but really it should be at the end of this sentence, too.
- Mike LeChevallier of Slate magazine, → You don't need to write 'magazine'
- The quote box in Critical reviews doesn't need quotation marks in it, because it's already signified as such by being a stand alone quote box. And who is D.F.?
- Why do refineries such as 31, 32 and 35 have [ ] in the tiles?
- I did some spot-checks, and ref 27 clearly needs a login or subscription. This should be noted in the citation.
I hope these prove useful to you. Please ping me if you have any questions. — Calvin999 18:14, 12 October 2015 (UTC)
- Thank you! These were very helpful!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 19:38, 12 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because I believe this article is close to achieving a Feature article promotion. The article has been reviewed three times for a Good article banner, finally achieving it on the third try. I have submitted the article for a Feature article nomination but it has currently been viewed as an oppose than a support factor. I would like some assistance to improve the article from GA to FAC.
Thanks, CaliforniaDreamsFan (talk · contribs} 01:44, 20 September 2015 (UTC)
Comments from Friekorp
I remember the first time I saw the music video for this song on Video Hits as a child; I've loved it ever since so i'm happy to start a review of it. While I have 5 successful FAC's, be advised I've never taken a song article to FAC before. I've actually only recently got my first song article to GA, and currently also have it nominated for peer review (see here) with the hopes of taking it to FAC, so I guess we're both in the same boat there, anyway...
- "in different outfits, and fighting with each other" – pretty sure this would be better if simplified to "in different outfits fighting with each other"
- "In 1997, the British media reported that she" – i'd replace "she" with "Minogue", as it's the first time she is referred to in the body, the perhaps reword the next sentence if it doesn't read well referring to her as "Minogue" again so soon.
- "She had begun writing the song whilst British tabloids published rumors about her private life" – are these the same rumours mentioned earlier of different ones? Clarify.
- "However, she re-wrote the original lyrics with Anderson and Seaman" – This is the first time you mention them in the body, so give their full names and wikilink
- ""Real World, Sarm West and DMC Studios" – can you wikilink any (or all) of them?
- "The characters were Sex Kylie, Cute Kylie, Indie Kylie and Dance Kylie" – The characters names are already mentioned, I don't think you have to mention them again.
- "represented herself than the other three characters" – should that say "represented herself more than the other three characters"
- "Although Minogue said that "Indie Kylie" was the winner of fight," – I think you should delete all of this, and just begin the sentence with "Minogue felt "Cute Kylie" represented...", as you repeat the information that "Minogue said that Indie Kylie was the winner" later on
- "Minogue said that Indie Kylie was the winner" – in what way was she the winner? Just in Kylie's view or actually in the music video? Clarify this to the reader.
- "American website BuzzFeed hosted a poll" – When?
- "During an interview Minogue gave to Jetstar Airways" – Since this interview was so long after the song was released I think you should add the year of the interview to the prose.
- Why don't you add an audio clip of the song to the article?
- I thoroughly recommend requesting a copyedit at the Guild of Copy Editors before taking any article to FAC
Hope this helps. Ping me if you have any queries. Freikorp (talk) 12:15, 7 October 2015 (UTC)
Comments from Efe
- There seems to be an imbalance between the song's development and the song's music video, which is comprised of three huge sections. The availability of such information may be attributed to the fact the the video was in itself popular. But, the information on the song's creation seems to be lacking for FA purposes, really. --Efe (talk) 14:51, 31 October 2015 (UTC)
- Notwithstanding the three lines found on the second section which were culled from the CD booklet. Speaking of which, it is used as an inline citation for the fact that the song is of pop genre. Do liner notes contain such information? --Efe (talk) 14:51, 31 October 2015 (UTC)
- Previous peer review
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I've listed this article for peer review because lots of work has been done on the article and it has been significantly expanded in the past few months. I plan on eventually nominating the article for good article status and want to make sure it's up to par.
Thanks, RF23 (talk) 22:59, 17 September 2015 (UTC)
- Comments by Retrohead
- I'll lose the citations from the lead, as everything mentioned in the lead should be present in the article's body.
- Can you somehow merge the "criticism" section with the one preceeding it?
- Are G N' R Lies and "The Spaghetti Incident?" considered studio albums now? Some years ago they were described as an extended play and a covers album, respectively.
- There's a formatting problem in ref 38.
- The awards and nominations section should feature the awards they've won, similarly to Megadeth#Awards. Definitely the AMA and MTV awards.
- GNR Lies and Spaghetti Incident are both considered studio albums. Guns N' Roses website refers to Chinese Democracy as their 6th studio album, Spaghetti Incident as the fifth, and Lies as the 2nd (while noting it was considered an EP at first). Regarding the ref formatting problem, there's a title in the ref and it isn't showing up correctly, no idea why.RF23 (talk) 18:42, 19 September 2015 (UTC)
- Guns N' Roses website is mirroring Wikipedia's album articles. Lies wasn't necessarily recorded with the intention of being released as one album when Live Like a Suicide was finished. Actually, it compiles the acoustic tracks with the EP, and was recorded over the course of three years. The Spaghetti Incident? isn't a proper studio album because it doesn't fullfil the definition of what a studio album is: "A studio album is an album of audio recordings made up of tracks recorded in a recording studio. A studio album contains newly written and recorded or previously unreleased or remixed material, distinguishing itself from a compilation or reissue album of previously recorded material, or live recording made at a performance venue". You can avoid this problem by losing the "studio albums" heading from the discography section--Retrohead (talk) 20:08, 21 September 2015 (UTC)
- Previous peer review
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I've listed this article for peer review because it was one of my first GAs many years ago. I later had it delisted because I thought I could do a much better job. These guys were my favorite country band of the 90s, and I'd love to get it to GA.
The only things I can think of immediately are a better picture (can't currently find any) and a little more on their personal lives. Other than that, I'd like to gather more suggestions on improvement before I give this another shot at GA.
Thanks, Ten Pound Hammer • (What did I screw up now?) 00:01, 6 September 2015 (UTC)
- Comments from Richard3120: I'm not so sure the two things you mention are such a big deal – the picture isn't terrible and at least shows the band in action, and personal lives are probably the least important part of the article, especially if the partners aren't notable and we probably have to be aware of WP:BLP anyway. Reading through it there are various comments I would make if I were doing a GA review, regarding grammar and restructuring sentences and the usual, but two things cross my mind... should you have references for the birthdates of the band members, and should the section about 'Pitch issues' be included under 'Musical stylings'? I wonder if it might be better in the preceding section, before the paragraph about 'Outside contributions', as it seems to have more in common with their career than their influences and style. Richard3120 (talk) 23:51, 16 September 2015 (UTC)
- @Richard3120: It might be possible to contact the band and ask if they'd be willing to submit a picture, as I was successful in doing this for The Kentucky Headhunters. I put a reference for the members' birthdays, and moved the "Pitch issues" section to the "One More Day" subheader to fit the chronology better. Ten Pound Hammer • (What did I screw up now?) 01:21, 17 September 2015 (UTC)
- Comments from 16912 Rhiannon: I spotted this at WikiProject Biography and took a quick peek. I agree with Richard, the picture is high quality and better than those in many band articles. One thing I noticed you don't have (yet) is a table of album / single releases showing their chart positions per WikiProject Discographies, which seems like it would be a nice addition. Hope this helps! 16912 Rhiannon (Talk · COI) 15:55, 25 September 2015 (UTC)
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- Ahhh, so sorry, I totally missed that link in the article. You're right, it would be really long to include in this article and is nicely done in the discography. 16912 Rhiannon (Talk · COI) 12:08, 28 September 2015 (UTC)
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- Date added: 2 September 2015, 16:21 UTC
- Last edit: 7 September 2015, 17:21 UTC
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- Date added: 28 August 2015, 03:58 UTC
- Last edit: 2 September 2015, 06:44 UTC
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- Date added: 27 August 2015, 18:27 UTC
- Last edit: 13 October 2015, 18:08 UTC
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- Date added: 25 August 2015, 17:21 UTC
- Last edit: 8 September 2015, 14:25 UTC
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- Date added: 11 August 2015, 04:00 UTC
- Last edit: 3 November 2015, 21:59 UTC
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I've been picking away at this article for a while now. I think it's much improved since I started, but I don't think it's ready for a GA nomination and I'd like to get another pair of eyes on it to see what can be improved, particularly the "Musical approach" section. Thanks! Popcornduff (talk) 17:30, 20 July 2015 (UTC)
- Comments from Calvin999
- There are some dead links
- For genres, instruments, assoc. acts, labels etc, you can use a hlist so it bullet points them and makes them clear. See "Man Down" info box for an example.
- Associated acts generally are only included if there are three or more notable instances/songs/recordings/collaborations where Yorke has worked with someone. Not just once or twice.
- best known as the singer and principal songwriter of the alternative rock band Radiohead. He is known → Repetition of known
- is an English musician best known as the singer and principal songwriter of the alternative rock band Radiohead. → is an English musician. He is the lead singer and principal songwriter of the alternative rock band, Radiohead. (link alternative rock too)
- He is known for his falsetto vocals. As a multi-instrumentalist, Yorke mainly plays guitar and piano, but also plays synthesiser, bass guitar and drums. → He is known for his use of falsetto, and is a multi-instrumentalist. While he predominantly plays guitar and piano, he also plays the synthesiser, bass guitar and the drums.
- with schoolmates. → with his schoolmates.
- After he finished his degree at the → After graduating from the
- The 2000 Radiohead → Which album was this? First, second, third?
- saw Yorke move → It's not just him if he is part of a band
- In 2009, to perform the album live, he formed Atoms for Peace with musicians including Flea and longtime producer Nigel Godrich → This reads awkwardly, especially the second clause
- the band released an original album, → So was their previous material covers and not original work?
- he creates artwork for Radiohead's albums. → he creates the the bands album artworks.
- Use of one line paragraphs/sentences should be kept to a bare minimum per criteria. There are a few instances of this, as well as two line paragraphs. I personally think it makes the article look messy and unfinished; a paragraph should ideally be 4 to 5 sentences.
- Yorke has been critical of the music industry, → Why?
- and with Radiohead and his solo work has pioneered alternative music → Should be a new sentence.
- wear a patch over his eye. → You don't need to say "over his eye" because a patch already indicates that.
- Yorke's family moved frequently. Yorke's → Repetition of Yorke successively.
- after his son's birth; → after his birth;
- Yorke was seven. Yorke moved → Repetition of Yorke close together again
- The whole Early life section sys Yorke a lot to be honest. I know it's his name but you can use 'he', 'the singer' etc.
- worked a few jobs → worked at various jobs
- worldwide hit single → the article for Creep doesn't have any chart positions. What made it a hit exactly?
- By the time of Radiohead's second album, → By the release of their second album
- but Yorke was ambivalent about this success → Need context
- Ref 1: The Guardian, not guardian.co.uk
- Ref 5: link The Observer
- Ref 11: link The New Yorker
- Ref 18: Problem with the formatting, red link.
- 26 and 27 are missing publishers and dates.
- Same with 84
- Ref 113 Don't WP:SHOUT
- There's inconsistency with the date formatting throughout the references.
Hope this helps. I think it needs quite a lot of work. I don't think it would pass a GAN right now. Ping me if you need more help or have questions. — Calvin999 15:50, 28 August 2015 (UTC)
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- Thanks so much. Yeah, I don't think it's ready for GA either - I've yet to really undertake that particular mission, but wanted some more feedback first. All your points are appreciated. Popcornduff (talk) 01:47, 29 August 2015 (UTC)
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- Date added: 17 July 2015, 02:07 UTC
- Last edit: 17 September 2015, 22:59 UTC
- Previous peer review
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I've listed this article for peer review because… I'd like to nominate this for Wikipedia:Featured article candidates and I'd like the most critical peer review possible to work it up to FAC presentation.
Thanks, The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 23:56, 9 July 2015 (UTC)
- Comments from Calvin999
This has been waiting a few weeks without response, so here's some comments from what I found looking at the article.
- Alphabetise the genres in the info box
- Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 is the fourth studio album by American recording artist Janet Jackson, released on September 19, 1989, by A&M Records. → Long winded. Try: Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 is the fourth studio album by American recording artist Janet Jackson. It was released on September 19, 1989, by A&M Records.
- Despite label executives desiring → Although label executives wanted
- Collaborating with record producers → Collaborating with musical duo (since they are songwriters and producers)
- for youth because → for youth groups because (I doubt she was a role model for all youth)
- Notable for → Noted for (?)
- Songs range → The songs range
- appeal along multiple → appeal across multiple
- sixfold → six-times
- , among other publications "best of" album lists. → Unless you're going to give an example(s), I'd remove this.
- It has been cited as an influence in various musical trends, inspiring numerous artists. → Such as?
- It is only album → A word is missing here
- For further promotion, → What was the previous promotion in order for this to be further?
- She became regarded → To me, to reads a bit awkward
- She became regarded as a fashion icon, with her "Rhythm Nation" attire being emulated by youth. → What attire?
- producer Jimmy Jam later → Link Jimmy Jam.
- Jimmy Jam stated → Jam stated (Use surname only following the first mention)
- The Background section, I think, is too reliant on long quotations.
- According to Jimmy Jam, → Same here, use Jam
- Actually, make: According to Jimmy Jam, he, Terry Lewis and Jackson → Jam, Lewis and Jackson
- Prior its recording, → Missing word
- sixfold platinum → six-times platinum
- The first two paragraphs of Release and commercial performance should remain as so. But the following paragraphs discussing the singles should be in their own section called Singles
- You start Composition and production, Release and commercial performance and Critical reception with "The album"
- Elizabeth the Queen Mother → Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother
- Rhythm Nation World Tour 1990 is far too detailed. It should be one, perhaps two, paragraphs at the very most. There's no point having a Main article tag if this much info is being used.
- In the Accolades section, you either have prose or a table, not both, as it's repeating the same thing.
- The Organization column should be marked up for access (shaded grey) and I would rename it to Ceremony. I don't think magazine ranks should be included here, they aren't 'awards' as such.
- Tables like this should also go at the bottom of an article, with the others.
- All songs except interludes and "Black Cat" are co-produced by Janet Jackson. → A bit irrelevant.
- United Kingdom Albums → UK Albums Chart
- There doesn't seem to be many charts?
I'm actually going to buy this album now, I want to listen to it after reading this. Please ping me if you have any comments of questions. Hope this helps. — Calvin999 15:48, 25 August 2015 (UTC)
- Thank you for the notes. I hope to continue editing the article over the weekend. The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 14:03, 28 August 2015 (UTC)
- You're welcome. I actually bought this album yesterday. — Calvin999 15:24, 28 August 2015 (UTC)
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- Date added: 23 June 2015, 16:22 UTC
- Last edit: 25 August 2015, 09:35 UTC
Everyday life
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The structure is based on Grand Tour featured articles 2009 Giro d'Italia, 1987 Giro d'Italia and 1988 Giro d'Italia. All input is welcome. May be something important I've missed from the race?
Thanks, BaldBoris 21:52, 26 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because it has improved in the last couple of months, in terms of content and writing (going from Start to B-class). I believe it has potential to become a GA, but am a bit unsure if it is encyclopaedic enough or if it has common problems which I am unaware of because of my "involvement" with it. Thus, feedback and suggestions from more experienced Wikipedians would be valuable. It was copy edited by WP:GOCE in 23 October 2015.
Thanks, Felipe Bini (talk) 22:32, 23 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've taken this article through the GA review system, and am looking to take it on to FA, but if there's one thing I'm sure about, it's that my prose will get picked apart something chronic! Therefore, any nit-picking that can take place here will hopefully make life easier later on. Thanks in advance for any moans, comments, complaints and general nattering. Harrias talk 17:32, 21 October 2015 (UTC)
Comments from Relentlessly
Copy-editing done. I've added a {{fact}} or two. One other small thing: you use "accumulating" a few times. I know you need some synonyms for "scored", but "accumulate" is an odd one. It seems more of an Atherton/Cook word than a Kieswetter word! This is obviously already a good article. There isn't a whole lot wrong with it! Relentlessly (talk) 21:36, 21 October 2015 (UTC)
- Image review
- Overall looks good. I'd personally accept the fair use rationale for that last image, though I recognize that not everyone will agree. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 23:30, 21 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because I'm not sure on the best way to proceed to improve / expand it. Suggestions for content would be useful as well as the usual style etc. guidance.
Thanks, Jamesmcmahon0 (talk) 09:59, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
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We have brought this article to GA-status and would like to ultimately get it to FA-status. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks, StarScream1007 ►Talk 16:10, 19 October 2015 (UTC)
- Previous peer review
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I've listed this article for peer review because… it is several years since the article was last reviewed (or discussed at FAC). Another user has nominated the article for Today's FA, but other users have raised concerns about the article's quality.
Thanks, Jmorrison230582 (talk) 10:12, 19 October 2015 (UTC)
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Hi guys. I wanted to list this article for peer review because, being about one of the greatest footballers of all time, I honestly think it should be good enough to be promoted to GA. I haven't gone through the entire article myself, but at a glance it seems like the article shouldn't be too far away from becoming GA-rated and getting featured on the association football portal; referencing seems more than adequate in every section of the article in particular. Also seeing as it is mostly written in British English, any American English within the article should be converted to British English, while minor grammatical and formatting mistakes could be dealt with.
Davykamanzi → talk • contribs • alter ego 19:06, 17 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because a user suggested it.
TODO: Check prose, tone and grammar; remove American English; remove paragraphs with one or two lines if necessary.
Thanks, SLBedit (talk) 18:51, 11 October 2015 (UTC)
Per Threeohsix's request, I looked at the article and got the following impressions from a rather quick analysis:
- Overall, there are many paragraphs made up of very few sentences, sometimes even single-sentence ones. In my opinion, this makes the prose look poor and disorganized. My advice would be to try to join them with surrounding text, provided that they are contextually related.
- In "History", I would try to merge the second and third sections, which are very small in comparison with the others.
- Too many sentences start with temporal references ("In the 19XX–XX season..." or "In 19XX–XX..."), making the History section look like a mere chronological list of events. Minimize this occurrence by playing with sentence construction and vocabulary.
- I see no need to have a sub-section for the evolution of the club's crest. I'd remove the heading and just integrate its content into the rest of the main "Crest and colours" section.
- The stadium image is too wide for its current placing. Move it to the bottom of the text and use {{wide image}} to display it as a large-sized panorama.
I'll try to make a more careful run-through and bring you more detailed comments. Parutakupiu (talk) 00:11, 31 October 2015 (UTC)
-
- @Parutakupiu: Thanks for the feedback. I agree, small paragraphs are a problem and some sections need expansion and others trimming. A more careful run-through would help, since I don't see this gathering more users.--Threeohsix (talk) 12:44, 31 October 2015 (UTC)
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- Date added: 10 September 2015, 20:04 UTC
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I've listed this article for peer review because… I feel that it can be brought up to Featured Article standards, but I need some advice and tips from other editors on how to improve it before it is brought up for FA review. I am fully expecting faults in the grammar and such, but I would also like any other faults that are seen with the references or the usage of images to be pointed out so I may either address the problem or explain it in some way. --ProtoDrake (talk) 18:42, 22 August 2015 (UTC)
Thanks, ProtoDrake (talk) 18:42, 22 August 2015 (UTC)
- Alright, seeing how this has been up for almost a month with no responses, I guess I'll take a look at this. Never done any reviews on Wikipedia, but since there's kind of a backlog of GAN, FAN, and Reviews for Video game articles, I guess I'll try and thin out as much as I can. I'll have some comments by tonight. Famous Hobo (talk) 21:49, 18 September 2015 (UTC)
Alright, here we go. First off, just a few nitpicks regarding the intro:
- Other third-party companies such as Ghostlight and NIS America have published titles in Europe. - Maybe include this information as a footnote, kind of like what Grand Theft Auto V does for the developer section of it's infobox. While it is important, I don't think it necessarily needs its own sentence.
- The series is a spin-off from the developer's Megami Tensei franchise. - Which developer? I'm assuming your'e talking about Atlus.
- The first entry in the series, Revelations: Persona (released in Japan as Megami Ibunroku Persona), was released in 1996, and since then there have been seven further entries... - Replacing the and with a period sounds better.
- The series began life as a spin-off... - Life isn't needed.
- ...and combat utilizing Personas. - Does Personas need to be capitalized?
- In the third paragraph, any mention of the word west should be capitalized.
- ...beginning with Persona 2, the localizations have been notably faithful... - Which Persona 2?
- Since the release of Persona,... - Persona should be changed to Revelations: Persona as it was already written as it's full name in the same paragraph.
- Specific entries have earned both praise and controversy over their content and themes. - This caught my attention, as I wasn't aware that the series had received controversy. However, you might want to expand upon it a bit more, as simply citing the content and themes isn't enough. I skimmed through the article and saw that the series was controversial for stuff like Nazism and religious stuff. Maybe make a short mention of that.
Looking over my comments, it's pretty clear most were small nitpicks at best. Since I normally don't do peer reviews, some of my comments might sound useless and trivial. If that's the case, please say so.
The intro is very well written, and does a nice job of summarizing the whole article. If the main content is written like the intro, the I'm very excited to read the rest of the article, though I probably won't be able to get much done tonight in terms of comments, kind of want to work on getting this bad boy up for GAN. I'll have more comments tomorrow. Famous Hobo (talk) 06:19, 19 September 2015 (UTC)
Titles:
- For main titles, it looks kind of empty. There's no mention of the gameplay or plot for any of the games. I know the gameplay is mentioned later in common elements, but I like what Kingdom Hearts does for it's main titles, so maybe something like that.
- while a spin-off featuring the casts of Persona 3 and 4, it is classed by Atlus as an official entry in the Persona canon. - Worded awkwardly.
- ...a 3D dungeon crawler set within the environments of Persona. - Add a wikilink for Dungeon crawler, as most non gamers don't know what that is.
Sorry for not being able to do more, just got home a little bit ago, and I'm beat as hell. I really need to stop making unnecessary deadlines for myself. Anyway, looks great. I'm sure that after some small edits, this will be FA ready in no time. Famous Hobo (talk) 07:24, 20 September 2015 (UTC)
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I know that a page is nearly ready for FA when I've exhausted every possible avenue of sources. Although this article did not exist a few days ago, it is now (hands down) the most complete and authoritative resource for the game on the Internet. It has contemporaneous sources from the 90s and goes through to the Rare Replay reviews—only one major reviewer had something to say about it. It has some nice flourishes in the Dev section, and I think it's about done. Anyone have any advice on how it may be improved before I bring it to FAC? Thanks, – czar 09:58, 7 August 2015 (UTC)
- Comments from JM
I think I played one of the Killer Instinct games, but I can't remember which one...
- It might be worth thinking about the player/player character distinction- for example, "players fight on a 2D plane" is wrong; players control characters who fight on a 2D plane. I'm guessing that this is potentially something which will throw non-gamers
- "Reviewers preferred the Gold Nintendo 64 port to its arcade version" Picky, but Gold didn't have an arcade version, if I understand correctly. Gold was the non-arcade version of Killer Instinct 2.
- I think "face-off" is a noun- "face off" would be the verb
- "Gold also features a new camera with automatically zoom functions to better frame the fight" This doesn't work
- "Some voiceovers are missing from the Nintendo 64 release." As opposed to what?
- "A departure from fighting games such as Street Fighter" Perhaps this should be "In a departure"?
- "for 90s video games" This should probably be "for '90s video games" or "for 1990s video games".
- "wrote that Gold was decent" Slightly odd
- "(better than the other option, Mortal Kombat Trilogy" Specifically, the other option in the same genre
- You know this, but I'm not keen on personification of publications- AllGame doesn't say things, writers for AllGame say them
- "but one reviewer commented that Gold had few other positive features" One reviewer from Game Informer?
- Is "extempore" a noun? I think you're using it as one.
- Just a little thing, but in the lead you talk about reviewers wanting a "graphical update", but in the prose it just seems that reviewers wanted better graphics. Judging from the review scores in the box, I think you might be able to give a better impression that a lot of viewers were, overall, not particularly impressed.
- Especially for FAC purposes, I would say that the generic rationale for the screenshot is not appropriate. Especially given the extensive discussion of the graphics, I do feel that the image is justified, but that doesn't mean that a good rationale isn't necessary.
This is all very picky- the article does strike me as very strong. Josh Milburn (talk) 18:30, 23 August 2015 (UTC)
- Another quick thought- especially given that there's no real story to speak of and that other video game articles would have a story section, perhaps a list of characters would be a useful addition? I'm not certain about this. It does strike me as something that I'd personally be interested in seeing, especially if I knew other games in the series. Josh Milburn (talk) 18:54, 23 August 2015 (UTC)
Engineering and technology
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I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to see this page moved into a B-class article and hopefully GA. The content is more technical, and I know that I and many editors on the article are biased in favor of more technical phrasing because we've heard it for so long. Hearing feedback from editors who don't know as much about spaceflight can help in making sure this article is accessible to all readers, not just those who are already interested and somewhat knowledgable about spaceflight. I've been personally interested in SpaceX (and other new astronautics companies) for quite a while, so it may also have POV issues. While I've attempted to resolve any that I come across, it's difficult to resolve FANPOV issues as a fan of SpaceX and private spaceflight companies.
Thanks, Appable (talk) 05:38, 24 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because I think the overall quality of the article needs to be improved.
Thanks, Proud User (talk) 10:15, 7 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because I have recently over the past couple of days added substantial content to the article and essentially rewritten the entire article. I've improved the article as best I can and request feedback for further improving this article for good article review. Please ping me when ready to review. Thanks. David Condrey log talk 07:41, 5 October 2015 (UTC)
- I've made a quick pass over this for a few grammatical errors; it may be worth checking to see if I've missed anything similar.
- Something to avoid is the use of paragraphs of one or two lines; there's one in the lead which is particularly prominent, and a few elsewhere throughout.
- Links with disambiguation terms (like "intaglio (printmaking)") should be piped to hide the baggage; in this instance you want "intaglio". The bracketed terms are more for indexing articles than for use in prose.
- "Sandwiching" text between a right- and left-aligned image is to be avoided; where possible try to offset these images vertically so they aren't on the same level horizontally. It might be worth dropping one of the images used to facilitate this too, though which one is up to you.
- Acronyms should be spelt out first, then noted in brief, so "MICR (Magnetic Ink Character Recognition)" should be "Magnetic Ink Character Recognition (MICR)" (there's also no need for the title casing here, either).
- Measurements should ideally use some sort of conversion ({{convert}} is your friend), so inches can also be read as centimetres, etc.
- "See also" links shouldn't include anything already linked in the article.
- A good chunk of the article seems to be uncited; if you have a few paragraphs supported by one citation, repeat it in each of those paragraphs—this isn't necessary in consecutive sentences in the same paragraph, however, but the break between paragraphs would necessitate it if this is the case. Obviously, if this isn't the case then the material will need to be cited to a reliable source of its own.
- I hope these comments have been of some use to you; I tend to comment on, rather than action, minor changes as I feel it's good to know why they're needed, but a lot of what's going on here is relatively minor. The last point however is the most important. GRAPPLE X 10:53, 5 October 2015 (UTC)
- @Grapple X: thanks for reviewing the article. Sorry for the delay in replying. I just saw your comments this evening. I will review your comments more thoroughly and reply afterwards. Just wanted to let you know.. thanks. David Condrey log talk 08:55, 21 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because it's been majorly improved.
Thanks, MarkMillerITPro (talk) 18:24, 2 October 2015 (UTC)
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I finally had some time to have another go at article writing again. This article has been substantially rewritten with a view of hopefully making it the first electric multiple unit article to reach FA status (however impossible it seems these days). The closest standard I could base it on is OS MX3000 (a GA). - Mailer Diablo 08:11, 9 June 2015 (UTC)
- Just off the top of my head: Two citation needed tags need fixing. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk, contributions) 12:56, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
- Thanks. They have been newly added after the review was started. Will go through them slowly. - Mailer Diablo 13:59, 17 July 2015 (UTC)
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- Just fixed the cn tags. - Mailer Diablo 15:35, 17 July 2015 (UTC)
- Lead
- is a type of train that is one of the four current types
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- This needs polishing.
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- By whom?
- These trains were manufactured from 1986 to 1989 in batches by a Japanese consortium headed by Kawasaki Heavy Industries
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- How about, "The trains were manufactured in batches from 1986 to 1989, by a Japanese consortium headed by Kawasaki Heavy Industries"?
- Tendering process
- submitted bids for what they had nicknamed the "Big One".[
-
- Drop "had"; no need for past perfect.
- Competition for the contract was so fierce
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- "Fierce" is a bit loaded for encyclopedic writing.
- However, analysts became concerned that a measuring
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- Avoid using "however" in formal writing.
- Initial construction
- during the 1984 National Exhibition held in November 1984 at World Trade Centre.[18]
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- No need to say 1984 twice.
- The colour scheme of each adjacent car's interior is distinct to make car identification in cases of fault reporting easier for passengers
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- This confused me. What's fault reporting?
- consume 50% less electricity
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- Should be "50 percent".
- Second refurbishment
- Why no cost estimate for the second refurbishment? It would be interesting to see if the move saved over the rolling stock.
- Train Formation
- Some of the details here appear to be uncited. Make sure everything is properly sourced.
- Conclusion
It's a nice piece overall. Some sections, such as Operational details, are a little too technical, but maybe that can't be avoided. There are also parts that are a little dry with detail, but again, maybe that's the nature of this type of article. Seems pretty comprehensive, but it'd be interesting to know if they saved money by going the refurbishment route after those later repairs were made. Nicely done; keep up the great work! RO(talk) 20:46, 29 August 2015 (UTC)
General
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I've listed this article for peer review because I've recently expanded it with lots of new pictures and some new information.
Thanks, dllu (t,c) 02:54, 25 October 2015 (UTC)
- Previous peer review
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I've listed this article for peer review because last GA reviewer recommended requesting a peer review for the writing quality, article structure, organization, and flow for the reader.
Thanks, Chamith (talk) 04:32, 24 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because…
- I want to upgrade to FA level when others are reviewing GAN of this article:
- Checking grammar errors.
- Checking or adding some files.
- Checking reliable sources.
Thanks, 333-blue 08:57, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because… It is a new article and needs to establish credibility (i.e. clearness of language, neutrality, accuracy of information). Thanks, DanFromCLE (talk) 14:59, 1 October 2015 (UTC)
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- Date added: 28 September 2015, 00:45 UTC
- Last edit: 2 November 2015, 18:28 UTC
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I've listed this article for peer review because why not
Thanks, TheWarOfArt (talk) 02:38, 22 September 2015 (UTC)
Comments from Freikorp
- I think that, considering how short the article is, having sub-sections is unnecessarily complicating things. You can definitely get rid of the 'Editor', 'Emmy nomination' and 'Director' sub-sections and merge these four sentences into one paragraph, unless the sub-sections are considerably expanded of course. Other than that the only thing this article really needs is a good expansion. Where and when was he born would be a good start. Ping me if you have any queries. Freikorp (talk) 05:53, 26 September 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because I believe it meets the criteria to become a Featured Article, but want some feedback first since it has been a few years since my last FA.
Thanks, NatureBoyMD (talk) 17:14, 14 September 2015 (UTC)
Comments (having stumbled here from my Peer Review)
- Thank you very much for your efforts to contribute to Quality improvement on Wikipedia, it's really most appreciated !!!
- NOTE: Please respond, below entire set of comments, and not interspersed throughout, thanks!
- Checklinks tool - http://dispenser.homenet.org/~dispenser/cgi-bin/webchecklinks.py?page=First_Tennessee_Park - shows a few issues.
- Recommend archiving links via Wayback Machine by the Internet Archive with WP:CIT fields archivedate and archiveurl.
- Per WP:LEADCITE, info presently cited in lede is non-controversial and not-contentious, as long as it's later same material covered, and cited, in article body text, can remove those citations from lede.
- Per WP:LEAD, article intro sect should be able to function as standalone summary of entire article's contents. Suggest for length of article this size, expanding lede sect to 4 total paragraphs of at least 4 sentences each paragraph.
- Copyvio Detector - https://tools.wmflabs.org/copyvios/?lang=en&project=wikipedia&title=First+Tennessee+Park&oldid=&action=search&use_engine=0&use_links=1 - shows no problems here. Excellent job here, nicely done !!!
- Very nice job with overall structure and layout.
- Article has good flow for reader, throughout article body text.
- File:FirstTennesseeParkLogo.png = great job on fair use rationale at image page here.
- Article body text has some two-sentence-long-paragraphs and short paragraphs. Suggest expanding them, or upmerging them.
- Other events - this seems like something that could be ripe for expansion at least by a few sentences, how many attendees, etc?
- Other touches, such as seating section and restroom signs shaped like guitar picks and the use of red, black, and platinum silver, help the ballpark identify with Nashville's country music heritage and embrace the Nashville Sounds' visual identity. - unsourced.
- are located on the straightaway center field wall and on each side of the backstop. - unsourced.
- Walking vendors also traverse the stadium selling canned soft drinks and beer, water, peanuts, Cracker Jack, and other easily toted items. - yes, occurs at most stadiums, but still, unsourced here.
- Ground rules - in this sect, unclear if the in-line citation applies just to first sentence, or all of that sect.
- Quite an excellent job with referencing and use of in-line citations, throughout the article, very well done here.
- Recommend posting to WP:GOCE to request a copyedit from the WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors.
- Suggest placing neutrally-worded notice to talk pages of relevant WikiProjects linking to this Peer Review and asking for additional comments.
- NOTE: Please respond, below entire set of comments, and not interspersed throughout, thanks!
I see quite a lot of research and effort has gone into this. Quite well done so far. Good luck, — Cirt (talk) 23:22, 19 October 2015 (UTC)
- @Cirt: Thanks for your input! I think I've addressed most of your concerns with the exception of a copyedit, seeking additional comments from others, and these:
- 3: I realize most (or all) articles from The Tennessean show as registration required, but one can view all of these articles in their entirety without registering provided they haven't reached the free view limit.
- 16: The reference does refer to the entire section. I'm not sure if there's a better way to indicate this. (?)
- Thanks, again. NatureBoyMD (talk) 16:43, 27 October 2015 (UTC)
- 16: Suggest having cites at ends of each line, instead of top of sect. Good job, — Cirt (talk) 16:45, 27 October 2015 (UTC)
- Done. Thanks. NatureBoyMD (talk) 16:47, 27 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because… I want some feedback before I offer it for GA.
Thanks, Jerod Lycett (talk) 03:15, 3 September 2015 (UTC)
Comments from Freikorp
- Typically the lead should be at least two paragraphs for GA. Also I think the information about where she was born, and possibly her education also, should be placed after the first sentence rather than at the end of the lead.
- The lead should summarise information in the article, though information about her parents and when/where she was born is not mentioned outside of the lead (where she "grew up" is mentioned, but that's not the same). Information about her portrait studio and BA is also not mentioned outside the lead. I very much dislike the first section title 'Skepticism'; the article should open with a section title/informaiton along the lines of 'Early life'. Gerber was born in 1962 but by the fifth sentence of the article we're up to the year 2000?
- Quote "It was very powerful when I started making edits." - You should give a time for this quote; what year was it made, and maybe also add where it was made.
- Avoid contractions such as "aren't" as per MOS:N'T
- Every paragraph should have at least one reference. The paragraph beginning with "Gerbic found it odd what friends said about her diagnosis" has none. The last sentence in the preceding paragraph ("I have breast cancer") should also have an inline citation
- I think the sub-section on hats is, frankly, a bit silly. At best this should be merged with the cancer section. It doesn't need it's own sub-section.
- Reconsider some uses the word "claim" as per WP:WORDS.
Hope this helps. Freikorp (talk) 14:36, 17 September 2015 (UTC)
- Thanks, I'm going to start looking at this and see what I can improve. Jerod Lycett (talk) 05:18, 18 September 2015 (UTC)
Comments from TonyTheTiger
- I concur with the above reviewer that the WP:LEAD is a bit short. Please make sure that a summary of each section is included in the LEAD.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:35, 2 November 2015 (UTC)
- Please make sure that all content in the LEAD is a summary of content in the main article. E.g., her parents information should not be in the LEAD if it is not in the main body in at least as much detail.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:29, 2 November 2015 (UTC)
- The article should be chronological unless there is a good reason for it not to be. The main body should begin with her early life (where she was born and raised, her parents and siblings, any notable ancestors). Work in the early life stuff that currently serves as the intro. It should then give us her early training like where she went to school. This should all be WP:V by WP:RS using WP:IC.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:32, 2 November 2015 (UTC)
- I don't quite understand the point of the "Monterey County Skeptics" subsection is.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 02:47, 3 November 2015 (UTC)
- Why "would manipulate" rather than manipulated?--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 02:49, 3 November 2015 (UTC)
- What are "fictionally deceased persons"?--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 03:38, 3 November 2015 (UTC)
- Is "world of woo" a typo?--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 03:42, 3 November 2015 (UTC)
- Previous peer review
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I've listed this article for peer review because it failed at FAC and I was wondering how it would swing now? Any help is appreciated!
Thanks, TheMagikCow (talk) 11:36, 1 September 2015 (UTC)
Comment by Sagaciousphil
- Just a quick drive-by comment: there are several sources that appear to be personal websites; these are not reliable sources so should not be used. SagaciousPhil - Chat 15:52, 10 September 2015 (UTC)
- Fixed. Thanks for pointing this out! TheMagikCow (talk) 15:53, 11 September 2015 (UTC)
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- There are still several remaining. SagaciousPhil - Chat 16:00, 11 September 2015 (UTC)
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- Ahhh... Sorry my fault. Just refs 15 and 17? TheMagikCow (talk) 16:22, 11 September 2015 (UTC)
- Should be fixed. TheMagikCow (talk) 16:32, 11 September 2015 (UTC)
-
- There is still Willowbrook Park and ref # 4 is a blog. SagaciousPhil - Chat 16:36, 11 September 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because… I feel there is too much self promotion on the article and an editor with a COI is continuously editing the article to white wash away any negative connotations of the sequence of events that transpired, most of my edits were relative when it came to discussion of controversies with the subject matter, there is currently an edit war transpiring and I would just like some neutral points of view to discuss where to go from here, wikicohen is referencing glowing articles about herself from a source, events transpired and the same source is being referenced for some material that doesn't paint the subject in a good light which wikicohen then "polishes up" the COI is continuously "rewording" and reverting large chunks of text. Something I wish to note the editor wikicohen appears to be logging out and editing the article and slandering me in the process which I sure is not exactly encouraged on wikipedia. thank you for your time in viewing my request.
Thanks, I/O (talk) 15:24, 28 August 2015 (UTC)
Comments from Freikorp
- Just some neutral observations at the moment, I haven't looked into the edit war of conflicts of interest.
- The lead is supposed to summarise the article. The lead says she is known as "Snitchlady", yet no explanation of this is given in the body.
- "Background" isn't really an appropriate section. This should be changed to 'Early life', and the information about her deportation should be removed as this is covered later.
- It needs to be clarified that the men she exposed on social media were soliciting sex specifically from her, rather than just in general. This area could be fleshed out a lot. What were the relations to her exposing them?
- Why is she refereed to as "Ms. Olukemi Omololu-Olunloyo", "Olukemi (Kemi) Olunloyo" and "Kemi Olunloyo" in the final section? This is confusing as all hell. You should just refer to her by the same, consistent last name after the lead unless there is a specific reason why you are referring to her by so many names, in which case this should be clearly explained.
Hope this helps. Ping me if you have any queries. Freikorp (talk) 06:21, 26 September 2015 (UTC)
Geography and places
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I've listed this article for peer review because it has been substantially overhauled recently, and I would like some feedback on areas that it could be further improved.
Thanks, -- R45 talk! 15:36, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
- Article ( | edit beta | history) · Article talk ( | history) · Watch • Watch review
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- Date added: 11 October 2015, 14:47 UTC
- Last edit: 31 October 2015, 18:33 UTC
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I've listed this article for peer review because I need comments related to the structure, lead sentence structure (after all the info has been added) and how to keep the text concise without losing any important information. I have been looking at other articles such as Climate of India and Climate of Minnesota as good examples in creating the structure of this article. This article does have the potential to become a good article or a featured article, particularly after improving and expanding this article for 4 months. However I am wondering where there should be a section dedicated to explaining the general factors (eg. atmospheric circulation patterns) since I think it would be good in explaining to readers why Argentina's climate is the way it is (why certain areas are dry, why precipitation is highly seasonal, why extreme minimum temperatures are much lower for its latitude, etc.). This section is not present in the climate of India article but is present in the Climate of Minnesota under the title "General climatology" I would appreciate any comments related to the prose, the grammar, and the flow, which I have trouble with, particularly with the Spanish sources.
Thanks, Ssbbplayer (talk) 21:24, 4 October 2015 (UTC)
- Previous peer review
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I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to improve it for FAC at some point.
Thanks, Buffaboy talk 00:32, 11 September 2015 (UTC)
Comments (having stumbled here from my Peer Review)
- Thank you very much for your efforts to contribute to Quality improvement on Wikipedia, it's really most appreciated !!!
- NOTE: Please respond, below entire set of comments, and not interspersed throughout, thanks!
- Footnotes in the Notes sect - please add in-line citations at ends of these to back up factual assertions.
- Checklinks tool - http://dispenser.homenet.org/~dispenser/cgi-bin/webchecklinks.py?page=Utica%2C_New_York - shows lots of problems. Problem defined as anything other than rating of "0" or "200" or even a "200" but with side comment is not good. Recommend archiving at the very least those links to Wayback Machine by Internet Archive using WP:CIT template fields archiveurl and archivedate.
- Suggest instead of all the daughter sects for references, just 3 sects with each their own 2-level subheading, being: Footnotes, Note, and References.
- Lede intro sect is a bit imbalanced. Two-sentence-long-paragraph in lede for last paragraph is a bit short.
- This is a very long article. Recommend lede length of 4 paragraphs, 5 sentences each.
- Notable people - not sure if this needs devoted its own sect, and the pictures should probably go too. Comes off as a bit promotional in tone.
- Crime and public safety - quite a short sect to require its own subsection header, suggest just have it as paragraph within its parent sect.
- Copyvio Detector - https://tools.wmflabs.org/copyvios/?lang=en&project=wikipedia&title=Utica%2C+New+York&oldid=&action=search&use_engine=0&use_links=1 - shows copyvio unlikely. Excellent job here, well done !!!
- Quite an excellent job with referencing and use of in-line citations, throughout the article, very well done here.
- Recommend posting to WP:GOCE to request a copyedit from the WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors.
- Suggest placing neutrally-worded notice to talk pages of relevant WikiProjects linking to this Peer Review and asking for additional comments.
- NOTE: Please respond, below entire set of comments, and not interspersed throughout, thanks!
I see quite a lot of research and effort has gone into this. Quite well done so far. Good luck, — Cirt (talk) 23:13, 19 October 2015 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review and constructive criticism! Buffaboy talk 03:30, 20 October 2015 (UTC)
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Although I've been contributing a lot lately to Wikipedia, this is the first time I've majorly contributed to the prose of an article rather than just statistics and tables. I've referenced the hell out of it, added a few paragraphs and would really like to see how I did and possibly know if it's past its rating of start-class.
Thanks a bunch, Cepiolot (talk) 01:28, 2 September 2015 (UTC)
Comments from Freikorp
- Why is one usage of "lands" in the lead capitalised, yet the others are not?
- One sentence paragraphs be avoided where possible. The sentence "Blackburn Hamlet took its name..." should probably just be merged with the end of the first paragraph. Likewise the one sentence paragraphs at both the beginning and end of the 'History' section should be merged or expanded if possible.
- I'm not sure if it's commonplace to wikilink sub-ection titles such as "Early Childhood Education". Also i'm not convinced they need to be sub-sections; can't you just bold-heading them? In my opinion since each sub-section only contains a few words all this is accomplishing is making the infobox a lot bigger than it has to be. I should mention, however, that I don't have any experience working on articles for towns, so apologies if this style is the norm.
Overall I think you've done a really good job on this article; well done. I'm upgrading this to C-class. Freikorp (talk) 06:48, 26 September 2015 (UTC)
Comments from Relentlessly
- As Freikorp says, the one-sentence paragraphs aren't great. The first one logically belongs with the following paragraph. The last one feels unconnected to anything else: is it even something worth including?
- Some of the content feels a little like "Here's something I can reference, let's include it." This leads to disjointed text without a strong narrative. Can you give an overall picture of how the place has changed over time? What is its character today? Who lives there? Why? Where do they work? What do they do?
- I agree again that the education section has too many headers compared to content! You may like to consider the advice at WP:USEPROSE.
- The references in the population table are a bit mad. You should try to combine them. See WP:CITEBUNDLE.
- Most of the prose is fine, but there are a couple of points I'd pick up on:
- The first sentence of the second paragraph of the lead is two entirely unrelated facts pushed together. Make it two sentences to make it more legible. Also, to an outsider, the point about the NCC/RCMP/CFCA lands is incomprehensible.
- "Blackburn," should be "Blackburn", according to MOS:LQ.
I hope that's helpful stuff: you've already done a decent job of this.
Relentlessly (talk) 22:28, 5 October 2015 (UTC)
History
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Somewhere between the Harry Flashman, Tailor of Panama and Talented Mr Ripley of fiction there is the real General Gregor MacGregor, scion of the colourful Clan Gregor that produced Rob Roy. General MacGregor returned to Britain a hero in 1821—having served with the "Die-Hards" of the 57th Foot during the Peninsular War, he had then rendered distinguished service to the republican revolutionary cause in Venezuela and New Granada against the Crown of Spain. On top of it all he had married a beautiful cousin of the great Simón Bolívar, and become "Cazique" of a young colony in Central America, which he now declared open to investment and immigration—the immensely fertile and mineral-rich sunshine land of Poyais.
Except not really. Accounts of MacGregor's military exploits—which, to his credit, did include some genuinely praiseworthy feats—omitted embarrassing episodes where he had abandoned his troops, and Poyais was a fantasy calculated to defraud investors and would-be colonists. MacGregor persuaded hundreds of men, women and children, mostly his fellow Scots, to emigrate to his invented country. Coming on board to see them off, he exchanged their British pounds for worthless pieces of paper he told them were Poyaisian dollars, and announced to rousing cheers that he would let the women and children sail for free. The unfortunate colonists arrived at the specified location to find not the thriving colony MacGregor had told them about but an untouched jungle. Most would die from tropical diseases; fewer than 50 would see Britain again.
MacGregor was convincing enough that even some of his victims, including a man who had lost two children in "Poyais", vehemently insisted that he was not to blame. Indeed, MacGregor was never tried for fraud in Britain, and was acquitted and vindicated when tried in France. He remained admired enough in South America that when he returned there in 1838 the Venezuelans happily had him back as a hero, let him retire on a general's pension and ultimately laid on a state funeral attended by the President. MacGregor, the "founding father of securities fraud" to quote one modern analyst, may not match the modern Madoffs and Stanfords in raw cash terms, but in terms of sheer audacity his Poyais scheme—entailing, as it did, the invention of an entire country—will probably never be matched. — Cliftonian (talk) 21:29, 3 November 2015 (UTC)
- Please note that the GA reviewer, Maile66, gave a thorough source review at the GAN stage, including spot-checks and checks for close paraphrasing. Props to him for that! — Cliftonian (talk) 21:39, 3 November 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because… I'd like feedback prior to FAC
Thanks, Wehwalt (talk) 08:56, 2 November 2015 (UTC)
Leaving the lead till last, more meo, here's my first batch of comments, to the end of "Virginia constitution":
- Ancestry and early life
- "born in Pershore, United Kingdom, in the English county of Worcestershire in 1629" – one bit more information than we need here, I think: either the UK or the English county, but not both, meseems.
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- Forgot to pipe that. I have better excuse than The New York Times, which in a recent piece about asylum seekers (or whatever, I can't keep up with the terminology) said they had walked to "Kent County". I did send them an email to which they have not responded.--Wehwalt (talk) 02:56, 3 November 2015 (UTC)
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- "and Native American areas … hard on the Indians" – the latter being the former, doubtless, but it looks odd, and perhaps of doubtful political correctness.
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- Either is still acceptable in American English. Out of caution, I tend to give the NA term precedence, but it gets clunky. I could put "tribes"?--Wehwalt (talk) 23:02, 2 November 2015 (UTC)
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- "They lived in a colonial Virginia" – the pronoun looks a bit lost here: perhaps "the family" or some such?
- "Into this world was born George Mason, fourth of that name" – repeats info from first para of section
- "crossing the Potomac River" – it was just "the Potomac" in the preceding sentence.
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- Just trying to avoid the repetition but I suppose it's OK.
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- "doubtlessly had the run" – perhaps an Engvar thing, but I'd write "doubtless" here rather than "doubtlessly".
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- It's an Engvar thing.
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- "appropriate to his age, for example … a beaver hat in 1742" – is there an appropriate age for that sort of headgear? (Later: that could be read as a rude remark by me about beaver hats, but it isn't meant to be - merely to question whether wearing them is seen as suited to any particular age. Tim riley talk 15:27, 2 November 2015 (UTC))
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- I suppose it was the long trousers of its day. Multiple sources mention this but aren't terribly informative about the details.--Wehwalt (talk) 03:26, 3 November 2015 (UTC)
- Virginia landed gentleman
- "George Mason began to build his home" – do we want his given name here? And there are two "likely"s in close proximity here, one of which might perhaps be changed to "probably"
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- Re: given name. It may be overcaution, but I felt that "Mason" being a building trade and all, it might be interpreted wrongly.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:02, 2 November 2015 (UTC)
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- "leasing much of his land holdings" – "leasing" is a tricky word: it can mean taking a lease or granting one. I imagine the latter is meant here, but it could be clarified.
- "dissolved the legislature because of the radical resolutions that were passing it" – do bills pass the legislature or does the legislature pass bills?
- Declaration of Rights
- Third para – two more "likely"s in close proximity
- Henry C. Riely needs to learn how to spell his surname properly. Pshaw! And possibly even Faugh!
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- But to him, you are the typographic error ...
More soonest. I hadn't heard of Mason until now and am finding him an interesting new acquaintance thus far. – Tim riley talk 14:01, 2 November 2015 (UTC)
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- Thank you, and I'm glad you are enjoying his acquaintance. I was just down at his university swapping old books for new and I had a few words with his statue. Strong silent type I am afraid.--Wehwalt (talk) 19:04, 2 November 2015 (UTC)
- I think I've done everything except as commented.--Wehwalt (talk) 04:44, 3 November 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because I think that it does not use encyclopedic language, is written like an essay and not from a neutral point of view. What the article should contain is an objective summary of the Greek political scene of the 1970s. What it does contain, among other things, is an essay comparing the Greek political scene of the 1970s to Ancient Greek drama. I have to admit that it is very interesting and well-written but the problem is that it does not belong to Wikipedia.
Thanks,
--The Traditionalist (talk) 16:05, 22 October 2015 (UTC)
Comment What it does contain, among other things, is an essay comparing the Greek political scene of the 1970s to Ancient Greek drama. Could you please point to the location of that alleged essay? I do not see any essay. I see a section "Deus ex machina" with a few short paragraphs explaining how the media treated Metapolitefsi. These few lines can hardly constitute an essay. The next section under the title "Prelude to catharsis" makes no mention of any catharsis but includes factual information about the behind-the-scenes political moves that brought Karamanlis back to Greece. Ironically the "Prelude to catharsis" section was blanked by you in a wholesale fashion when you removed both sections, a whopping 17,314 bytes from the article, without so much as an explanation or even apology.
Again, the section you so blithely removed does not read like an essay as you allege. The background of how Karamanlis came back to Greece and the details of the first days after his arrival in Greece are at the heart of Metapolitefsi and your blanking effectively gutted the article. If gutting the article this way, and without acknowledging any errors on your part, is an example of your editorial judgment, suffice to say that it is a very poor one. The rest of your sweeping allegations are unsupported. I suspect it is because you cannot find any examples of unencyclopaedic writing in this well-written and extremely well-cited article. I will assume good faith and I will not speculate as to the reasons for your actions but I have to state that your approach towards this article needs considerable improvement starting with an acknowledgement that you erred in blanking the "Prelude to Catharsis" section. Dr.K. (talk) 19:33, 22 October 2015 (UTC)
- There's been more than enough edits to fix the problems you raise here. In fact, you've merely raised concerns about a single tidbit of information. That's not a sufficient enough reason to open a peer review. Moreover, let us not forget that I swiftly solved the 'unencyclopedic' issue with this edit. The nominee of this peer review hasn't mentioned any other "unencyclopedic" occurrences in this article, and has failed to do so at the TP as well. At any rate, I welcome any general improvements to the article through a peer review. But the assessment of this nomination is hardly a justifiable reason for such a review. Étienne Dolet (talk) 00:47, 23 October 2015 (UTC)
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- If there is a problem with a particular section, the best approach is to re-work the section. Blanket deletion is usually not a good approach and should be avoided in all but the most extreme cases. This does not seem like such a case. There does appear to be some minor encyclopedic language, but that can easily be fixed, certainly nothing that require wholesale deletion of the whole section. Athenean (talk) 01:40, 23 October 2015 (UTC)
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- Previous peer review
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I've listed this article for peer review because because its neutrality should be checqued before its GAN. The previous peer review only concentrated on a minor aspect of the article.
Thanks, Borsoka (talk) 02:38, 6 October 2015 (UTC)
- Comments from Calvin999
- The Kingdom of Hungary, a country in Central Europe, → This kind of sounds like it still exists
- came into being → came into existence
- urban lifestyle, habits and urban culture → Remove the second 'urban'
- was affected by several cultural trends. → Sounds like it was a bad thing?
- buildings, and literary works → Remove comma
- the culture, but Orthodox, and even non-Christian ethnic minority communities also existed. → There's something about this sentence which doesn't sound right. It reads a bit awkward. I think it's the usage of the comma's and 'but'
- number of tongues, → Is this encyclopaedic phrasing?
- powerful magnates. → Wikilink magnate
- After his death a period of interregnum interrupted royal power in the early 14th century. → What do you mean by this?
- All the same, → Remove
- prove that the Hungarians' way of life underwent fundamental changes in Central Europe. → Doesn't make sense.
- middle of the 10th century. → mid 10th century.
- December 25, 1000 → Comma after 1000 (Should American date formatting be being used? Or British?)
- He prescribed that every ten villages were → He prescribed that every tenth village established was
- Communers → Commoners
- From legal perspective, → From a legal perspective,
- freemen and serfs → Any Wikilinkage available?
- but intermediate categories also existed. → I wouldn't use 'categories'. Perhaps 'groups' or 'classes'?
- Last Árpáds (1242–1301) → I don't think there needs to be so many short paragraphs. I think some can be merged to make one paragraph. It's a bit of a style thing but try and make them the same size, it looks a lot more concise and professional.
- I think the 'Aftermath' section is a bit brief and short.
Article wide, I think the basics are here for a good article. I just think it needs polishing and tidying up a bit. I think it reads a bit conversational and not encyclopaedic enough at times, a bit informal. The prose needs to be tighter than what it is now. I've given a few examples where 5 words are better than 10, for example. I think some more but brief info about what happened post 1301 is needed just so that a complete timeline is present of what happened before, during and after; it ends rather abruptly with just one sentence about the young pretender in 1301 then a few sentences for Aftermath. It doesn't need loads more, but I'd say one, perhaps two, decent sized paragraphs so that a complete overview is there for the reader. Ping me with any questions. — Calvin999 22:48, 31 October 2015 (UTC)
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- Thank you for your comments. I agree with most of them and I will change the text in the next few days. I will ping you after I finished my homework. :) Borsoka (talk) 04:54, 1 November 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because…I would like to bring this article to featured article status. I have worked on this article for over a year and it since has been copy-edited by three different GOCE members.
Thanks, jona(talk) 21:27, 26 September 2015 (UTC)
Comments
- Dead links
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- Fixed jona(talk) 18:39, 28 September 2015 (UTC)
- Don't use contractions outside of direct quotes
- Who holds copyright to the engraving on the gravestone? Or the Selena memorial?
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- Are saying that the engravings on the gravestone and the memorial must be attributed to its owner, and not the person who actually took the photos?
- Both. In the US, freedom of panorama does not cover sculptures, so we need to account for both the copyright of the photographer and the creator of the original work. Nikkimaria (talk) 19:53, 28 September 2015 (UTC)
- Done. I have added Seaside Memorial Cemetery as the owner and original sculptures of the grave site and H.W. Tatum sculpted the statue and is owned by the Corpus Christi Convention & Visitors Bureau. Best, jona(talk) 12:57, 29 September 2015 (UTC)
- Okay, that's a good start, but what is the copyright status of the works? Nikkimaria (talk) 14:57, 29 September 2015 (UTC)
- Well since these are in the US and were erected in the mid and late 1990s, I guess they should be placed with a not-free-US-FOP template? jona(talk) 15:08, 29 September 2015 (UTC)
- (edit) There is currently a discussion about deleting the statue pictures. So should I just remove them here anyways? jona(talk) 15:13, 29 September 2015 (UTC)
- Your options are (a) find a reason why one or both of the statue and engraving are in the public domain or freely licensed; (b) move one or both to Wikipedia and claim fair use; or (c) remove the images. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:47, 29 September 2015 (UTC)
- They are not freely licensed and were taken by those who uploaded them, there is already a non-free image in the article, and I have removed the statue and grave site photos from the article. Is the prose up to standards btw? Thanks, jona(talk) 17:05, 29 September 2015 (UTC)
- Did the fan club have a name?
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- No, just the "Selena fan club". jona(talk) 18:39, 28 September 2015 (UTC)
- Bullet caption needs a citation
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- Done jona(talk) 18:39, 28 September 2015 (UTC)
- Fair-use rationale for screenshot could be more expansive
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- Done jona(talk) 18:39, 28 September 2015 (UTC)
- Since Rossler massacre is currently a redlink, could we briefly summarize here?
- Make sure your citations are consistently formatted. Nikkimaria (talk) 01:37, 28 September 2015 (UTC)
- Thanks for your comments! I have successfully completed the issues you have pointed out, except for the quotations which I will work on as well as the Rossler massacre (since I never heard of this event), and re-format the citations. Thanks, jona(talk) 18:39, 28 September 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because I need some advice on how I can improve it so I can later nominate it to become a GA.
Thanks, HistoryofIran (talk) 00:14, 30 July 2015 (UTC)
Comments
- Suggest making the lead more expansive
- Do we know who his father was?
- Generally, this is a bit hard to follow without background knowledge - suggest providing a bit more context for the reader
- What is the source for the information about Jalula? Nikkimaria (talk) 13:09, 7 August 2015 (UTC)
- Lead
- I agree with Nikkimaria. The lead needs expansion.
- Family and early life
- However, this is most likely wrong
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- Avoid using "however" in formal writing.
- According to Pourshariati
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- For one, avoid using "according to" whenever possible, and two, casual readers might not know what this is referring to, so explain or link, or both.
- he was part of the Parsig (Persian) faction which played a major role
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- "which" ought to be "that", since this reads as a restrictive clause.
- Hormuzan owned his native place Mihragan-kadag
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- Is that a country or region?
- but order was soon restored by a certain Ruzbi
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- Drop "a certain".
- The Arab invasion of western Persia
- The first sentence of this section needs a citation.
- raising an army which included
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- "raising an army that included".
- The Parsig faction under Piruz Khosrow, Bahman Jadhuyih and Hormuzan. The Pahlav (Parthian) faction under Rostam himself and Mihran Razi, and a Armenian contingent under Jalinus and Musel III Mamikonian.
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- This needs some polishing.
- During the battle, the Sasanian army was defeated, and Shahriyar, along with Musel, Bahman, Jalinus and Rostam, were killed. The Arabs then besieged Ctesiphon.
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- Needs a cite.
- The Sasanian army was once again defeated and Mihran Razi was killed. Hormuzan then again withdrew to Hormizd-Ardashir and this time chose to stay there in case the Arabs should invade his domains.
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- Also needs a cite.
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- Was it called Iraq at the time?
- who had been making incursions Fars and Khuzestan
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- I get the sense that there's a missing "into" here.
- However, he soon stopped paying tribute
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- Avoid "however" in formal writing.
- under a certain Hurqus ibn Zuhayr al-Sa'di
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- Drop "a cerain", and be sure you aren't using more anmes then necessary, because it's getting really difficult to follow all these characters.
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- As with "however", "Meanwhile" is too informal.
- he was once again defeated
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- Wow. Lots of defeats in a short time. Did he win any major battles?
- Nevertheless, he managed to reach the city
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- Avoid "nevertheless"
- The Arabs then laid siege to the city
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- For one, it needs a cite, and for two, it's confusing because why are the Arabs laying siege?
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- This is editorializing/POV. Don't sympathize with Hormuzan.
- Conclusion
This is a nice little piece overall, and it was enjoyable to read. My biggest issue is that it has lots of names, so it gets a little difficult to follow what's going on. I think this is what Nikkimaria was talking about above. I also got confused over the many losses, so see if you can rework some of this narrative to make that aspect easier to understand. For example, after reading it I'm unsure if Hormuzan ever won a battle. Nicely done; keep up the great work! RO(talk) 17:20, 28 August 2015 (UTC)
- The lede is definitely in need of expansion.
- There are sentences which lack references; this definitely needs to be remedied.
- No page number for Rawlinson?
- There are prose problems; for instance "according some sources," should be "according to some sources".
I hope that these suggestions for improvement prove useful to you in advancing this interesting article. Best, Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:32, 23 September 2015 (UTC)
Comments. I did some copyediting per my standard disclaimer. Feel free to revert. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 01:47, 7 October 2015 (UTC)
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Natural sciences and mathematics
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I've listed this article for peer review because the article was recently created and its author requested a peer review in the talk page.
Thanks, Mecanismo | Talk 17:55, 28 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because I would like feedback regarding the possible submission of this article for consideration of FA status.
Thanks, Barbara (WVS) (talk) 01:33, 26 September 2015 (UTC)
Hi Barbara (WVS), just a few thoughts for the moment:
- I think the wording is too technical. Imagine a 7th or 10th grader reading this to get a first idea of what the vaccine is about. If you use a term like viremia, linking to the article is great, but also add a brief explanation in the sentence, that way the reader doesn’t have to stop reading and visit another article to understand. In some cases this is already done well, e.g. “using attenuated or weakened poliovirus.” Also you could replace words like immunocompetent with simpler synonyms.
- I’m not clear on why the section “Inactivated vaccine” is not a subsection of types.
- I think it would be a good idea to give a sentence or two about what polio is and how it infects the individual in or near the lead. e.g. in the inactivated section it says it “protects the motor neurons”, so it might be good for the reader to understand that the motor neurons are what gets attacked. This sentence is also a good opportunity to describe post-polio syndrome briefly.
Those are my comments for now, let me know what you think and I’ll come back with more later! delldot ∇. 23:48, 26 September 2015 (UTC)
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- Such excellent suggestions! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your opinion on this. It is so nice to have a fresh pair of eyes take a look at this. When you read something for so long...well you stop seeing the forest and the trees! If you would like to come and take another look in a week or so, that would be great. If not, that is also fine. You have turned me to the right direction. The Very Best of Regards,
- Barbara (WVS) (talk) 00:33, 28 September 2015 (UTC)
- You're very welcome! Ping me whenever you've had a chance to address these and I can give it another look. delldot ∇. 23:28, 28 September 2015 (UTC)
- Second look
- Let's work on expanding the lead. The idea is for it to be a standalone mini-article for anyone who wants just a brief overview of the whole article. So anything worth devoting a section to in the body will probably be worth a sentence or so in the lead. A couple things that pop to mind are the contamination concerns, the risk of iatrogenic infection, and an explanation of the different types. This is an introduction to the topic (experts don't need to read the encyclopedia!).
- By the same token, anything mentioned in the lead should be covered in greater depth in the article, so the Syria thing should be addressed.
- I think the History section needs some reworking. e.g. there's some repetition about Salk's work. e.g. in 1952-53 it mentions "Jonas Salk's polio vaccine (a dead-virus injectable vaccine) had reached the market" and then in the next section it says "The first effective polio vaccine was developed in 1952 by Jonas Salk at the University of Pittsburgh, but it would require years of testing", as though that's the first we're hearing about it. In my opinion those two sections should be merged, since they both mention Salk and they both mention 1953. Maybe just "1950s"?
- These sentences are great, but belong far nearer the beginning of the article, not in the Hx section. Maybe even in the lead: "In generic sense, vaccination works by priming the immune system with an 'immunogen'. Stimulating immune response, via use of an infectious agent, is known as immunization. The development of immunity to polio efficiently blocks person-to-person transmission of wild poliovirus, thereby protecting both individual vaccine recipients and the wider community."
- I think the Hx subsections should be renamed to decades. And maybe add a couple sentences so it doesn't skip from the 60s to 1987.
- The source by Sorem is marked unreliable, and I agree. The best sources for medical articles are literature reviews from respected journals, and I bet the FAC crowd will hold you to that with a topic this important and well-known. If you can find a Cochrane review, that's pure gold.
Hope this is helpful, let me know when you've effected or rejected these suggestions! delldot ∇. 16:46, 30 September 2015 (UTC)
Language and literature
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Not in Front of the Children is a book about freedom of speech and censorship carried out under the "think of the children" argument. I took it to Good Article and it's been stable since then. Looking for feedback to help further along the Quality improvement process. Thanks for your time, — Cirt (talk) 04:06, 19 October 2015 (UTC)
- Note: Notices left at Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Women, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Women writers, User talk:Cirt, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject United States, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Sociology, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Sexology and sexuality, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Media, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Literature, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Law, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Journalism, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Human rights, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Freedom of speech, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Books, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Children's literature, Talk:Not in Front of the Children. — Cirt (talk) 04:17, 19 October 2015 (UTC)
Self-check with Toolbox tools
- Semi-automated peer reviewer at link = lede is of adequate size. Article has already been through copy-editing from the helpful editors at WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors.
- Dablinks - link = shows no disambiguation links.
- Reflinks - link = shows no changes necessary here.
- Checklinks tool - link = no issues here, only links not archived are JSTOR, EBSCO Host, etc.
- Altviewer - link = all images have appropriate alt-text.
- Earwig's Copyvio Detector tool - link = shows no problems here.
— Cirt (talk) 05:42, 28 October 2015 (UTC)
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Philosophy and religion
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I've listed this article for peer review because I want to promote the article to GA
Thanks, RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 18:28, 15 October 2015 (UTC)
- Previous peer review
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I've listed this article for peer review because I want to nominate this article of GA level. Mahavira was the last tirthankara of Jainism and occupies significant place in jainism. I have tried to improve the article in last few days with help of other editors and upgrade the quality of article. An assessment will help further improve the article for the objective of GA level.
Thanks, -- Pankaj Jain Capankajsmilyo (talk · contribs · count) 11:05, 4 September 2015 (UTC)
There are some high-level problems with this article:
- The lead section should be completely re-written.
- The article begins with "Mahavira (599 BCE–527 BCE)". It should be clearly noted that this is the "traditional" dating and not the one believed by scholars to be true. In the source that is referenced, Shah clearly mentions that "Although tradition dictates that Mahavira was born about 599 bce, many scholars believe this date to be as much as 100 years early, in that Mahavira probably lived at about the same time as the Buddha, whose traditional birth date has also been reassessed."
- Technical words like "tirthankara" and "avasparini" should either be clearly explained in the lead itself or not be used at all.
- The lead should be clear on whether it is describing real historical figure "mahavira" or is it stating what the tradition believes him to be. It mixes mythology with historical facts.
- Heinrich Zimmer is quoted in the lead. I am not sure whether it is a good idea to quote an author in the lead. Even if we are quoting something, I believe it should be a more recent scholarly work. Zimmer seems to be outdated.
- Too many long quotes: The article's renunciation and legacy sections contain too many long quotes. This does not seem encyclopedic.
- Important differences between digambara and svetambara sects regarding mahavira is not reflected in the article. For example, Swetambara believe that mahavira was transfered from the womb of devananda to trishala.
--Rahul (talk) 16:25, 7 September 2015 (UTC)
Comments till Birth section only:
- Lead sentence: The part "of present Avasarpani era (ascending half of the time cycle as per Jain cosmology)" is confusing. Generally, he is introduced only as the 24th tirthankar
- Lead: father and mother is WP:UNDUE info here
- "Bharat (which was larger than today's India)": confusing. change to "all over South Asia/Indian subcontinent/ancient India", whatever is accurate
- Reduce jargon in lead: kevala jnana -> enlightenment; moksha -> died
- Remove quote about Parshva from lead.
- Add teachings of Mahavira and legacy in lead
- "His childhood name ... " : Never start with he. -> "Mahavira's birth name..."
- Remove bold in non-lead parts
- What does "achieving omniscence" mean?
- Add meanings of other epithets
- Add alternate dating in Histrocity. Some date to c. 500 BCE etc. Move dates from birth. Move birth places to Birth
- King Siddhartha: state his kingdom and dynasty
Overall, lot of work is needed to take it to GA level. Major issues summary:
- Quality of language
- Too many quotes: WP:QUOTEFARM
- Missing topics:
- Iconography
- Worship
- Temples
- Sources about Life: Texts like Kalpa sutra, oral traditions (if any)
--Redtigerxyz Talk 16:41, 6 October 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to hear your suggestions and comments. It would be interesting to know if the article is understandable for English readers, or is there something you would like to know?
Thanks, Orel787 (talk) 11:32, 24 July 2015 (UTC)
- Lead
- (Russian: Симеон Верхотурский, born 1607, died 1642),
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- I think those commas ought to be semicolons.
- The main feast day of St. Simeon is the 18 December (OS), or 31 December (NS).
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- That second article (the) is superfluous (not needed).
- Biography
- Legend has it that Simeon was born to a noble boyar family in the European part of Russia.
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- I might be wrong, but I'm not sure "Legend has it" is an encyclopedic turn of phrase.
- (about 53 kilometers, or 33 miles, from Verkhoturye),
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- It's a good idea to put figures like this into the convert template, like this: {{convert|53|kilometers}}
- You linked righteousness in the lead, so maybe do the same here at the first occurrence after the lead.
- He died in Merkushino in 1642 and was buried in a graveyard by the church
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- Identify the church here.
- Translation of the relics
- The first paragraph in this section is uncited, so please source it properly. Same with the second half of the second paragraph in the section. Paragraphs should always end in a citation.
- Sainthood
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- Maybe this is acceptable given the topic, but it seems to informal for an encyclopedia.
- the church was burnt down by a fire
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- Since a fire is the only thing that can burn down a building, this is redundant.
- The Brotherhood of the Righteous St. Simeon
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- It seems this is a monastery, but you don't make that explicit enough at the start.
- It was a bratstvo, linked
- The last paragraph of this section, and all others, should end with a citation.
- Opening, withdrawal and return of the relics
- The first, second, and last paragraphs of this section need citations.
- "some hooligans of white guards, in spite of my order as archimandrite, took away my horses and left their nags, on which nobody could ride".
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- This quote is currently uncited.
- on the feast day of St. Simeon with over fifteen thousand pilgrims gathering at the monastery
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- The proper verb form here is gathered, not gathering.
- but the costly shrine was seized for the hungry
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- Dis the Soviets confiscate the shrine to feed the poor?
- Of course not.
- On 30 May 1929, the relics were seized from the monastery and given to a museum in Nizhny Tagil for anti-religious works.
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- What's an anti-religious museum/works? I'm not sure how this was used for anti-religious works. Please expand and explain.
- I added a quote.
- Conclusion
Not bad for a start, but it obviously needs a little TLC in the way of citations and copyediting. It's an interesting topic and the foundation of a fine contribution. Keep up the great work! RO(talk) 19:09, 13 August 2015 (UTC)
- Thanks. I made most of the corrections, I will do the citing later. Regards.--Orel787 (talk) 09:44, 14 August 2015 (UTC)
- Quick comment: It's very difficult to judge the reliability of the cited sources because of the lack of details in the citations. What are you citing? Are they peer reviewed journals, newspapers, personal websites of experts, random blogs? Fuller citations (citation templates can be very useful) would help with this issue. Josh Milburn (talk) 13:32, 29 August 2015 (UTC)
Social sciences and society
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I've listed this article for peer review because it reached GA-status and could be improved after a peer review.
Thanks, Lbertolotti (talk) 15:48, 5 October 2015 (UTC)
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- Previous peer review
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I'm planing on taking this article to FA status. Before listing it as a FA candidate, I'll appreciate it if someone could give it a look over and point to what should be improved.
Thanks, LK (talk) 08:01, 15 September 2015 (UTC)
This is not my sphere by any means, but the article was perfectly comprehensible even to me. The prose is clear and generally elegant. Some minor comments:
- There was, I thought, one phrase with a slightly stilted textbook feel: "causing resource use to increase" could be, in everyday English, "causing more resources to be used." That's my only quibble on style.
- You need to decide how to punctuate the abbreviation e.g. (or e.g, – both logically justifiable, but consistency is wanted).
- There is a handful of duplicate links in the article. The Manual of Style bids us limit ourselves to one link to any article from the lead and another link to it from the main text. You have two links from the lead to demand and two to sustainability. In the main text there are duplicate links to green taxes and ecological economics.
- "cost (or price) of a good or service" – can you really have a singular good in this sense? I consulted the OED but lost the will to live about five pages in and never found the relevant bit. I see the word crops up twice, and so I take it that it is a pukka term in economics.
- References
- As the Jevons book is a book, it would be as well to give its OCLC number in lieu of the ISBN for which it is too ancient to qualify. The OCLC is 464772008.
- There is a guideline – how authoritative I know not – that would have us use the 13-digit forms of ISBNs. If you are minded to follow it, there is a handy tool here.
- When you get to FA, some bright spark is highly likely to ask what the point is of your "Additional reading" list, saying that if the stuff is worth reading it should be used in the text. This is nonsense, but I suggest you have your counter-argument nicely honed and ready.
That's my lot. Please ping me when you take the article to FAC. – Tim riley talk 13:06, 15 September 2015 (UTC)
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- That's all very useful, thanks very much! I'll implement your suggestions and then submit to FAC. LK (talk) 06:39, 16 September 2015 (UTC)
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I want to get feedback on how this article can be improved, as I am hoping to bring it up to GA status in the future. Everymorning (talk) 00:25, 25 August 2015 (UTC)
- Lead
- Looks a little thin. Be sure it properly summarizes all the article's sections.
- History
- founded in March 1988 by Philip Morris, R.J. Reynolds, and Lorillard
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- Wikilink these companies.
- This agreement required the tobacco industry to disband the CIAR
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- Why? This would be better if explained.
- However, according to Alisa Tong and
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- Avoid using "however" in formal writing.
- Stated mission
- including the health effects of ETS
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- You haven't explained what ETS is in the article body.
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- Avoid
- Structure
- "special-reviewed" projects
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- Who conducted these "special-reviewed" projects?
- Funding of scientific research
- many scientists, although unwilling to accept funds directly from the tobacco industry, were willing to accept funds from the CIAR.
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- This implies that scientists didn't know who funded CIAR. Was that the case?
- This study was based on the hypothesis that particles transported indoors from outdoor air, rather than ETS, were responsible for a significant proportion of indoor aerosol concentrations.
-
- You need to make the connection between ETS and indoor aerosol concentrations explicit, as this is confusing. Do cigarettes really contain aerosols?
- However, after some of his studies found that this exposure
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- Avoid "however" in formal writing.
- authored by Johns Hopkins
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- Wikilink Johns Hopkins.
- that some cases of lung cancer previously attributed to passive smoking might actually be caused by other factors, such as diet.
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- The lead says that CIAR funded research on indoor air pollution, but this says that also studied diet as a cause of illness. Add this to the lead to better summarize the content of the article.
- Conclusion
This seems like a work in progress, as I assume there must be much more detail than what's currently presented here, particularly negative reaction to the studies. For example, you mention the Tobacco Master Settlement Agreement, but you don't detail it's direct impact or explain what it is in the article. In fact you mention it in the lead, but not the article, which is wrong. Every detail in the lead must also be in the article body, so if it's not explained in the article it should not be included in the lead. I think this is a ways off GAN, but I'd strongly recommend another peer review after you make another attempt at comprehensiveness, before taking it to GAN. Keep up the great work! RO(talk) 19:15, 28 August 2015 (UTC)
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Lists
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I've listed this article for peer review because… I have started it a few years back with the intention for it to become a featured list. Since then the development of it has stalled a bit, thus I am now wondering what this list needs to get that star. I am aware that more sources would be preferable and are needed, but for this kind of topic it shouldn't be hard to find them. I am more interested and wondering if the prose and the tables are good enough and appropriate and if something needs to be added. Thanks, Ratipok (talk) 00:27, 10 October 2015 (UTC)
- Olympic games → Wikilink to International Olympic Committee
- Yugoslavia → Wikilink
- distinct national entities → distinct states
- The entire lead needs sourcing. There are a lot of facts and info here which are not sourced or cited which is not repeated elsewhere in the list. Info like "Yugoslavia was a multinational state with six constitutive ethnic groups (Bosniaks, Croatians, Macedonians, Montenegrins, Serbs and Slovenes), and significant ethnic minorities in Vojvodina (Hungarians) and Kosovo (Albanians)" is one example of info which needs to be sourced.
- The ranking in this table is based on information provided by the International Olympic Committee (IOC) and is consistent with IOC convention in its published medal tables. By default, the table is ordered by the number of gold medals the athletes have won in individual competitions. The number of silver medals is taken into consideration next and then the number of bronze medals. If athletes are still tied, equal ranking is given and they are listed chronologically, as when the medals have been won. → I'm not sure this is necessary?
- The 'Rank' column needs to be marked up for WP:ACCESS (so that it is shaded grey)
- The table shows the number of individual Yugoslav Olympic medals, won per region. By default, the table is ordered by the number of gold medals the athletes have won per region in individual competitions. The number of silver medals is taken into consideration next and then the number of bronze medals. If regions are still tied, equal ranking is given and they are listed chronologically, as when the medals have been won (athletes who have won Olympic medals are listed below alphabetically). Regions used are the Socialist Republics that were in use in Yugoslavia from 1944 until 1991 and the breakup of the country. All six Socialist Republics have since become fully independent nations and are members of the International Olympic Committee (IOC). The table uses place of birth of the athletes to determine the number of medals per region and not their nationality or ethnic group. → Again, I don't think the first few sentences are needed here.
- Same applies here for the 'Rank' column for access.
- Also, I think their names should be showing in a column of their own, and shouldn't have to click 'Show'
- Same for the 'Rank' column as previously mentioned in Team section and their names.
- Again, I don't think the paragraph about gold being first then silver etc. is needed. It's getting repetitive now too.
- As such, the list looks really good and structurally well laid out as a whole, but I'm a bit concerned that there are only three references and practically no citations in the article at all.
Ping me with any questions. — Calvin999 18:17, 30 October 2015 (UTC)
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- Hi. Thank you for your review. I will look into it and try to resolve the issues pointed out. For the sources I am well aware they need to be added and will provide them (shouldn't be a problem with this topic). I will try to do this during the next couple of days. Regards, Ratipok (talk) 02:06, 2 November 2015 (UTC)
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I've listed this article for peer review because I wish to nominate it for Featured list status but I feel that it might need some more work. It will be helpful if experienced editors can tell where this list needs to be improved upon.
Thanks, Bharatiya29 (talk) 14:23, 28 September 2015 (UTC)
WikiProject peer-reviews
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