Infidelity
Infidelity is literally a breach of faith and occurs in a number of contexts (e.g., in religious contexts). That referred to here is also called cheating - 'any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship'. What constitutes an act of infidelity varies between and within cultures, it does not depend on the presence of sexual behaviour. Even within a close relationship people may have very different ideas and perceptions of infidelity - see Blumstein. A man cheated on by his wife is referred to as a cuckold but no equivalent word exists for a woman cheated on by her partner. The term describes a married man whose wife has sex with other men.[1]
Fidelity refers to the accuracy and integrity of self-representation, honesty or candor in an intimate, committed relationship. Integrity may be defined as 'the inner sense of wholeness deriving from honesty and consistent uprightness of character.' Infidelity is a breach of that integrity through the use of deception by one party to a committed and not necessarily monogamous relationship. This breach is experienced as a betrayal of an explicit or implicit agreement between the partners to not keep secret those matters now the subject of deception. Deception is 'the covert manipulation of perception to alter thoughts, feeling, or beliefs.'
Adultery is "voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse." Fornication is sexual intercourse between consenting unmarried partners. An open relationship allows for open sexual choice. Polyfidelity on the other hand refers to closed choices among a defined group. In either case, when the rules are broken any of these may constitute infidelity. Some consider these forms of nonmonogamy. The psychology of monogamy addresses some of the issues that may underly infidelity in a monogamous relationship.
Contents |
Interventions
Counseling has been a successful intervention in cases of marital infidelity. Committed relationships may be irreparably damaged by infidelity, but research indicates that couples are more likely to recover when the infidelity has ended. Some experts note that if a couple remains committed to the success of the relationship, and both partners deal forthrightly with any underlying relationship problems, a healthier relationship, based on trust and mutual understanding, can result.[2] However, multiple and ongoing cases of infidelity on the part of one partner tends to make reconciliation more doubtful. An effective counselor will help both partners make informed choices about reconciliation by avoiding criticism and pre-judgement.
"Couples can and do get over infidelity," say Steven D. Solomon, Ph.D., and Lorie J. Teagno, Ph.D., clinical psychologists who specialize in couples therapy. "Not only can they overcome it so that it no longer has a significant negative impact on their relationship, but they can use it to spur them to work on their relationship and, in so doing, make their LTLR (long-term relationship) stronger and happier than it ever was before."[3]
Infidelity, family and work life
Close relationships |
Affinity • Attachment • Bonding • Casual • Cohabitation • Compersion • Concubinage • Courtship • Divorce • Dower/-ry • Friendship • Family • Husband • Infatuation • Intimacy • Jealousy • Limerence • Love • Marriage • Monogamy • Nonmonogamy • Office romance • Passion • Partner • Pederasty • Polygamy• Platonic love • Psychology of monogamy • Relationship abuse • Romance • Sexuality • Separation • Wedding • Widowhood • Wife |
Some authorities (for example Frank Pittman in 'Grow Up' Golden Books) observe infidelity is involved in 90% of first time divorces. A 1997 study with Kristina Gordon found 'more than half of the marriages that experience infidelity ended in divorce'. By contrast John Gottman with his 35 years of research into marriage,[4] is reported as saying "Only 20 percent of divorces are caused by an affair.[5] Most marriages die with a whimper, as people turn away from one another, slowly growing apart." Fifty United Kingdom divorce lawyers were asked to name the most common causes of their cases in 2003. Of those who cited extramarital affairs, 55% said it was usually the husbands and 45% said that it was the wives who cheated. In addition between 10-15% of children are conceived as a result of an affair.[6] Infidelity that does not involve sex or conception may be referred to as a romantic friendship or an emotional affair. Sometimes infidelity at home occurs on-line, where it may be known as virtual sex. On-line infidelity can sometimes signify deeper problems of addiction that may need to be addressed in addition to any marital problems that might emerge from this behavior.
Infidelity at work
An office romance, work romance, or corporate affair is a romance that occurs between two people who work together in the same office, work location, or business.
Office romances are generally believed to be unhelpful to the welfare and effectiveness of the business and to the network of relationships that comprise it. Thus they are discouraged and even prohibited by company policy. The suspicion that an advantage is gained by 'sleeping with the boss' in a competitive environment ensures that these transactions occur by stealth.
A selection of infidelity in film and theatre
- The Apostle
- American Beauty
- Book of Love (film)
- Brief Encounter
- Brokeback Mountain
- Closer
- The Constant Gardener
- The Crucified Lovers
- Dr Zhivago
- Design for Living
- Derailed
- Diary Of A Mad Black Woman
- Double Jeopardy
- Emotional Arithmetic
- The Bridges of Madison County
- The English Patient
- The Flower of My Secret (La Flor de Mi Secreto)
- Fatal Attraction
- Goodfellas
- Magnolia
- Much Ado About Nothing
- They All Laughed
- Lake Placid
- Rain (2001 film)
- Random Hearts
- St. Elmo's Fire
- Revenge
- Disclosure
- She-Devil
- The Perfect Murder
- The Postman Always Rings Twice
- Ruthless People
- Thelma & Louise
- Unfaithful (film)
- Waiting to Exhale
A selection of infidelity in song
- Me and Mrs. Jones
- Lips of an Angel
- Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
- Saving All My Love for You
- Woman To Woman
- I Was Checkin' Out She Was Checkin' In
See also
This is an extensive list of links to related articles, in order to facilitate researching the subject across cultures and disciplines.
- Friendship
- Open marriage incidence
- Adultery
- Affair
- Extramarital sex
- Emotional affair
- Office romance
- Mistress (lover)
- The series on love
- Lovemaps
- Love styles
- Romantic love
- Love (scientific views)
- Marriage
- Buddhist view of marriage
- Women in Islam
- Jewish views of marriage
- Monogamy
- Incidence of Monogamy
- Forms of nonmonogamy
- Religion and sexuality
- Religion and homosexuality
- Polyamory
- Polygyny
- Polyandry
- Platonic love
- Romantic friendship
- Human bonding
- Human sexuality
- Interpersonal chemistry
- Intimate relationship
- Intimacy
- Emotional intimacy
- Physical intimacy
This group concerns not only breaches of interpersonal/cultural fidelity but also of law.
- Alienation of affections
- Intentional infliction of emotional distress
- Sexual misconduct
- Consensual crime
- Informed consent
- Fornication
- Islamic marital jurisprudence
- Zina (Arabic)
- Sexual harassment
- Coercive persuasion
- Relational aggression
- Age of consent
- Age disparity in sexual relationships
- Incest
- Abuse
- Statutory rape
- Transactional sex
- Enjo kōsai
- Sexology
- Sexual ethics
- Casual sex
- Philosophy of sex
- List of topics in sexual ethics
References
- ^ Cuckhold definition, The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language: Fourth Edition. 2000.
- ^ [1]
- ^ "Frequently Asked Questions about Infidelity", DivorceMagazine.com.
- ^ [2]
- ^ [3]
- ^ [4]
- [5] For Your Marriage, The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops
- [6] NORC at the University of Chicago
- Moultrup, David J. (1990). Husbands, Wives & Lovers . New York: Guilford Press.
- Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (1992). Justifications for extramarital relationships: The association between attitudes, behaviors, and gender. Journal of Sex Research , 29, 361-387.
- Pittman, F. (1989). Private Lies . New York: W. W. Norton Co.
- Rubin, A. M., & Adams, J. R. (1986). Outcomes of sexually open marriages. Journal of Sex Research , 22, 311-319.
- Vaughan, P. (1989). The Monogamy Myth. New York: New Market Press.
- [7] INFIDELITY IN COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS II: A SUBSTANTIVE REVIEW Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, Apr 2005 by Blow, Adrian J, Hartnett, Kelley
- [8] INFIDELITY IN COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS I: A METHODOLOGICAL REVIEW Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, Apr 2005 by Blow, Adrian J, Hartnett, Kelley
- [9] Beyond Betrayal: Life After Infidelity
- Adult attachment and patterns of extradyadic involvement Family Process, Dec, 2004 by Elizabeth S. Allen, Donald H. Baucom
- [10] AN INTEGRATIVE INTERVENTION FOR PROMOTING RECOVERY FROM EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, Apr 2004 by Gordon, Kristina Coop, Baucom, Donald H, Snyder, Douglas K
- [11] Treating infidelity: Therapeutic dilemmas and effective strategies Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, Oct 2004 by Ward, David B
- Managing Infidelity: A Cross-Cultural Perspective by Anne Buckmaster, William Jankowiak, M. Diane Nell; Ethnology, Vol. 41, PART 1, pages 85-100 2002
- [12] Extensive summary linked to detail articles on impact of affairs of all types.
- [13] The late Shirley Glass' web site with free article and quizzes
- [14] ANTICIPATION OF MARITAL DISSOLUTION AS A CONSEQUENCE OF SPOUSAL INFIDELITY
- [15] Infidelity: The Lessons Children Learn by Jennifer Harley Chalmers, Ph.D.
- [16] Professor Kristina Gordon's research into infidelity and betrayal.
- [17] Fidelity versus infidelity defined in a research project.
- [18] Cybersex and Infidelity Online: Implications for Evaluation and Treatment by Kimberly S. Young, Alvin Cooper, Eric Griffiths-Shelley, James O'Mara, and Jennifer Buchanan Paper Published in Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, 7(10, 59-74, 2000